Torn no more
by edward-is-my-life.fran
Summary: Bella split with Edward because they wanted different things. But was that the right decision? Now Bella finds herself pregnant and alone... Will Edward come back? Can anyone make her feel whole again? How will Edward manage fatherhood? Please read reveiw
1. Prologue

Torn no more

Prologue

"Edward," I called, seriously.

"Yes love?" he answered, wrapping his arms round my waist and kissing my neck.

"Edward," I repeated, stern.

"What's up Bella?" he asked- unfolding his arms from my waist.

"Well… I've been thinking…" I deliberated. I really didn't want to do this, "Maybe… we just don't fit. Or maybe I'm not ready for this…"

"Are you saying we shouldn't be together Bella?" Edward asked again, this time he sounded shocked.

"No, Maybe, Yes, I don't know!" I blubbered, as I started to cry.

"But…" he stuttered, "Last night…" I saw the hurt in his eyes.

"Spur of the moment…" I muttered- unwillingly.

"Oh," he said simply, his forehead creasing. You know I wish it could have worked, for his sake. But this was big. I wanted a future… and not in Forks.

"We want different things!" I fought, helplessly.

"Really? We want different things? So why have we been together for a year then?" Edward asked, infuriated.

"I didn't know then- I didn't know what was going to happen!" I screamed, but not in an angered way. I was just upset, "I know I love you!" I added.

He pressed me up against the wall and corned me. His arms created strong barriers with his arms, forcing my eyes to look only upwards. My breath caught. I was startled. Edward's beautiful eyes bore into mine, and a familiar sense of love, sense and security overpowered me. He was hurt. The topaz crystals shone. They were filled with moisture. He blinked and one; only one spilled over the top. My trembling hand reached out and wiped it away. We were both lost, just lost souls in love.

"Bella," Edward whispered. His voice was filled with melancholy and sorrow, instead of the joy that usually radiated through his whole body when he said my name.

"Edward," I looked down, the intensity of the gaze overpowering my feeble human senses.

"You know Bella… I really, really love you," Edward whimpered. He started to shake.

"I love you too Edward… but I really can't! I'm moving to Seattle and going to college," I explained. Edward **did **want different things. He wanted to get married, be a small town doctor here in Forks. He wanted kids. I couldn't stand kids- at all.

"I will leave Bella. I'll move back in with Carlisle and Esme," he said, holding back the tears. Edward never cried, never, "Just one more thing…" and he reached down and kissed my forehead. I rose up on my tiptoes, and quickly kissed his lips. Edward turned away and jogged upstairs. I was having trouble holding myself together. Within minutes he had the essentials packed for tomorrow and was ready to go. He walked to the door, opened it and stood, for just a second, looked at me with heart-breaking eyes, then he left, closing the door lightly.

My angel was gone. Edward was the one who had helped me through all my difficult teenage years. He was there when my mother died. He held me when I was upset. He had risked his life enough times while saving me to deserve a noble prize.

And now he was gone.

And it was all my decision.

I started to cry, alarmingly loud and curled up into a little ball, hugging my knees for a little bit of comfort. My lips trembled, and then broke open. There was no way to describe what noise came out of them. I was just a woman, who had made an awful decision, and it was the wrong one. I started to hyperventilate and the darkness slowly clouded over…


	2. The Jigsaw

**Thanks so much to everyone that reviewed, story altered… I would especially like to say thanks to: **

**Kimicullen1721 xhiddenvampirex senier berdb teambellaedward keinohrhaeschen , as you all reviewed on the story!! The last chapter was what happened when Edward and Bella broke up. Bella really wanted to keep Edward, but she wanted to move to Seattle for a good career, and Edward said he would always stay in Forks. He was raised there all his life. **

**There will be flashbacks too! I'll try not too make them too long! X They still go to high school btw, but they did move in with each other! **

TORN NO MORE

Chapter 1- Screwed

I huffed loudly as I pulled up outside the school building. This was going to be a long day.

I grumpily grabbed my bag from the passenger side of my truck and jumped confidently to the ground, for a change.

I took in my surroundings, not much had changed really, and it felt like there had been no summer break, just returning to school on Monday and repeating the pattern again. I continued to daydream, thinking about my first days here at Forks High… I tried to look round in more detail. From the door of my truck I could see my old friends…Jessica, Mike and Tyler Crowley. These were people who had wanted to be with me. Be my friends. But it had been just a few weeks at my new school, just three weeks of constant drabble and unimportant chatter, 'till I started to sit with… _him._

_3rd week at Forks High_

_Jess had already started to talk and I hadn't even sat down yet, "And so I think we should all go shopping in Port Angles at the weekend, or go out for a big dinner… Maybe even visit the mall, La Push, or we can all go get our nails done"_

"_No thanks Jess. Got mine done today," Mike interjected. I heard everyone else laugh so I did too_

"_Fine then, we'll all have to-"_

_And there was silence, for the first time from Jessica Stanley, ever._

_Even though I wasn't paying attention (I never do) I knew that this was extremely odd- especially at lunch._

"_And what Jess?" I asked, actually interested in why she had stopped her chatter._

"_And Edward Cullen is staring at you," she giggled and turned the other way._

_That was startling. But she was probably just tricking me or something. I tried my best to seem inconspicuous, and (tried to) casually lean back in my chair and take a look, just to check. I turned my face to the left, and peeked out of the corner of my eye. He was starting right at me, a gorgeous crooked grin on his face. I made a weird squeaky noise, and quickly covered my hands over my face. I also shifted my elbows forward, so I was sure his vision was blocked from my face. I could feel the blush on my cheeks burn already._

"_Bella, I told you he was looking!" Jessica grinned and giggled as she was looked up just behind me. I couldn't help but follow her eyes, and when I did I found Mr. Cullen himself. I turned my chair side ways, so I could see him better, and it was less rude._

"_Hello Bella Swan," he smiled smug, and I just nodded, my eyes already ogling his perfect muscles I had manage to catch a glimpse of. His top was too tight… not that I was really complaining. It actually took nearly all the restraint I had not to lick my lips in satisfaction. That would have just been inappropriate and even more embarrassing._

"_Would you like to sit with me and the rest of my family today?" he asked, his voice sounded so angelic, it was the only thing that tore my mind away from his chest half. _

"_Umm," I made out faintly… not sure what he was really saying … or was it an odd delusion I was making up? He looked at me subjectively, as if I was beautiful. I wasn't pretty. Did he think I was?_

"_Of course she would!" Jessica answered for me. I gave her my worst look and she just smiled innocently, her grey eyes_

"_This way Bella," he whispered, making me shiver. He gave out a small chuckle._

"_Just don't desert us Bella!" Jessica called. I turned round, acting out my utter most horror at the statement by put my hand on my heart and pulling a face. _

'_Of Course I won't' I mouthed and she nodded and started chatting again. Typical Jessica._

"Just don't desert us Bella!"- I remember that line all too well. I shut my eyes and tried once again to think of something else. To find some evidence that I was not a person who hurt others, and made wrong mistakes.

But I couldn't think of anything other than him. I sighed in defeat, ready for the pain I would soon have to endure by seeing him again. I slowly took a deep breath, before closing my eyes and turning my head to the other side of the parking lot. Then I opened my eyes, and looked out to see the silver Volvo, like before.

It was nearly the same. The Volvo belonged there. And I saw each and every other person that fitted the jigsaw; Jasper, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie and Edward. My eyes were glued to the picture. I tried to hard to swallow back the tears. But then I felt a different type of pain…I felt sick… again. I knew where this was leading…

I ran, clutching my bag in my hurriedness. I bolted roughly through the open doors of the school. My nose wrinkled at the smell of tuna salad.

I roughly pushed the door to the loo's open, and I ran to a toilet cubicle, nearly falling over in my haste. I felt absolutely terrible. Luckily, no other person was in here to see me like this.

Afterwards, I ran to the sink, and chucked water over myself; anything to stop it. I slumped against the wall, and when my legs hit the wall, my body collapsed. I found myself hugging my knees, like I had the day we-we, broke up. I brutally forced my legs down, so I had my back pressed against the wall, and my legs in front of me, limp.

The nausea began to fade and I gently pulled myself up from the floor. My palms slapped the surface by the sink and I shifted my weight to my now stable legs. I gazed at my reflection. To say I looked rough was an understatement. And to say I looked anywhere near decent for a class was an understatement too.

I grabbed my backpack and poured the contents out on to the counter, I wet the brush, and softly combed through my lifeless, dull hair. I was peaceful and calm after a few minutes and enjoyed the way the brush felt on my now smooth hair. There was a shrill 'beep' and it made me jump out of my skin. Oh, just the bell. Phew. I swiftly packed my brush and purse up and swung the back on my shoulder. I still had to collect my timetable and I didn't want to be late for first period.

On my way to the office, I walked past a magazine stand and picked one up. If I had English today, I would need something to read. I then thought about my sickness symptoms. This had happened before too, yesterday I felt the familiar roll in my stomach, and had bolted to the bathroom. I only knew one explanation for morning sickness from health classes… no! I couldn't be preg-

"Oof!" I exclaimed, as I lost by hand grip and dropped my magazine that I had picked up just a minute ago.

"Sorry," a memorable voice apologised. My heart could have ripped in two, just from hearing his voice. I could hear my heart speed picking up.

"Oh," I said, plainly, wrinkling my forehead. Again, I found myself in this situation; Him and me, him and me.

"Hi Bella, I haven't seen you in a while," he commented, politely.

"I'm fine Edward. What have you been up too then?" I asked, mirroring his politeness, but the one thing I wanted to do right now was to get away from him.

"Well, I went to do charity work down in Port Angeles for the kids- like before, then I went out in the forests, went hiking nearly every day but I nearly always ran… took things of my mind, concentrating on other things," he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. I looked up in amazement. Why did I dump this man? Looks, fit, healthy, kind, helping out for people less fortunate than us little lot in Forks… , "Actually, I'm dating Tanya Denali," he smiled, nearly apologetically and simply called out a "Bye," behind his shoulder and jogged off.

What was going on? I felt a jolt of anger ripple through my body and I even heard myself hiss at the thought of her little leech hands all crabby around my Edward. I was so gonna show this old bitch a hell of a ride! And competition.

**Please tell me (if you want too) have any suggestions for the next chapter, pointers, and tips? I would really like it if others got involved too! If I do decide I like an idea or anything you have suggested I will send you a message and check. I will of course, explain which parts are yours etc… I don't mind trying to work out a chapter together either! ******** Just a suggestion! ILY all! **

**~X~**


	3. News

**Ok, so some speeling might be wrong, but I have a new mini laptop thing and it hasn't got word. Also, I have lost the microsoft word disc that cost like £55 so... **

Chapter 2- Dizzy Spells

What a day! First, I throw up in the loo's and feel all faint again, second, I discover the love of my life is dating that slut Tanya Denali, and third, well, I discover that I do in fact still love Edward. Which isn't good. At all. And to make matters worse, I had to sit through an hour of biology with him observing me, trying to work out how I was feeling. Hmph! Well, the answer is not great!

I gathered the last of my things together off my desk and I began to head for the door. If the teacher couldn't be bothered to come back afer the bell- I may as well go too. A sudden wave of unease hit. No, no, no, no! Please. This would just be the icing on the cake... just plain embarrassing. I can't- f-a-i-

Without thinking I said Edward's name ; "Edward!" I called, searching for support.

"Bella!"

I heard a clatter of something metal, as my head swirled round and round. My arms reached out to thin air. My legs gave way and I could feel the air whiz behind me, I was falling...

Something cool and strong caught my back gently. Edward must have caught me. I heard some scrunching and rustling and then another hit on the ground before my ears started to ring slightly. Crap.

"Drink this Bella," his velvet voice whispered, cautiously handing me a drink. My vision was still blurred, and I reached for the cup, feeling my way. I slowly gulped some down. The cold water revived my senses, and I could feel Edward's arms lightly supporting my waist. I gasped and succumbed to his beauty, when my eyes began to work ,looking into his piercing topaz eyes.

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_**Spring dance**_

_Ugh. I hated dancing. I loathed it. If everyone had their own personal hell; dancing, proms and anthing to do with dressing up was mine. Of course, Edward insisted that I come, and adorable little Alice already had something prepared..._

_I could feel my palm become sweaty in his tight grasp, and my forehead felt sticky._

_"Calm Down Bella, it's just a dance," Edward tried to reassure me. Well, to him it may be, but for myself... it was like torture._

_"Edward..." I wined, waving timidly to Jessica- a small fake smile on my face. She spotted me and turned away from my eye contact, looking slightly pissed._

_"My old friends really do hate me, don't they?" I whispered, feeling sorry for myself. Edward scooted round on his heels to face me._

_"Bella, do you really care what they think?" his face inches from mine, "Does it bother you that much?" he asked._

_"Of course not..." I sighed looking at the ground. Suddenly, his arms were wrapped around my waist from behind, and his chin hovering above my shoulder._

_"Bella... you don't need anyone else... you have me, whenever, whatever, forever, I'm yours," he whispered in my ear. I wanted to cry, he was such a tug on my heart-strings...but he started nibbling my ear. I giggled, and tried swatting my bag playfully at him-but the vice-like grip kept me from even gaining a single hit. _

_"Turn around Edward," I finally said, my voice sounding a little hystrical._

_"Why?" Edward murmured, obviously enjoying torturing me._

_"Because I want to kiss yo-" I was silenced by his lips,furiously attacking mine. I turned so I was facing him, catching his hands on the way and lightly holding them, in the small space between us._

_'Whenever, whatever, forever, Im yours,' I said, repeating his words against his lips. He chuckled and moved his hands up to my hair._

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"Edward," I mumbled, digging my fingers into his arms.

"Look Bella, it's ok. You'll be fine, we just need to go to the hospital... to.. check... you're ok..." he frowned looking away. And I was damn sure why.

"Edward!" I said as much as I could muster, "You know I hate hospitals! I only fainted..." I tried to scream, but unfortunately started to cry. The reason was beyond me.

"Come on," he said softly, trying to calm me down, he was so good at it. He took my hand, and I gratefully obliged. He pulled me up to my feet, slowly and carefully. I quickly rushed to pull up my hipster jeans, wiped my tears away and slowly walked with Edward, his hand still tagged to mine...

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_**Spring Dance, After Twilight**_

_"You know Edward," I paused, "I'm actually having a really good time," I smiled, squeezing Edward's hand._

_"Well, I hate to say it but..." he grinned, a devilish smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. I felt like that... the smile just wouldn't come of my face._

_"I TOLD YOU SO!" we both shouted, a little drunk from the secret stash of alcohol Mike brought along._

_Our laughter died down, and when it was silent, Edward grabbed my hand._

_"It's already gone twilight... must be getting late..." Edward muttered._

_"Well, how about we leave now, we can get to your house quicker," I smiled, and shivered at the thought._

_"Actually Bella, I have something I wanted to ask you..." _

_I froze. He wouldn't ask me to... to... god help me. I started nervously twisting a piece of my hair that had fallen out of the bun. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit, shit..._

_"Edward, I-"_

_"Will you move in with me?" he asked, his eyes hopeful. I was startled. At least he wasn't going to ask me to __marry__ him. Although I was crazy for thinking that... I don't even know if that's legal..._

_"What about Charlie?" I asked, defending my side of the argument- trying to be subtle about it. _

_"What about him? My parents have told Charlie already, and he trusts them. And my mum was thinking about buying us our own place..." he finished._

_Huh. So... no Charlie to antagonize me about this... and our __own__ place... tempting._

_"I have one condition," I finalized. Edward looked at me, dubious, "__My__ family pay for the house," I told him. His family were so rich they could afford to __buy __the whole tri-state area..._

_"Ok," Edward said, uncomfortably swinging his arms around. _

_"Ok..." I agreed._

_"So..." Edward began, "We're getting a house..." he said, again, pouting his lips. Excitement washed through me suddenly, and reality sunk in._

_"Oh yes we are!" I gloated, jumping into his arms. He kissed me softly for a little while before setting me down and smiling at me._

_"Will you dance with me?" he asked. Ugh, my least favourite thing. What a way to go._

_"I-I can't dance.." I stuttered. Surely he should know that by now._

_"Ah yes.. of course, well, no need to worry, it's all in the leading anyway," he chuckled, pulling me into his arms, bridal style. I giggled, unable to care about my unnecessary fear of dancing. He took us to a beautiful archway the school must have set up. But I could no longer look anywhere else. It was Edward, Edward Edward. Only him. Nothing else mattered.  
"I love you," he whispered into my ear, before pulling me into a waltz.  
"I love you too," I whispered back. A single tear fell down my face._

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There was an ambulance parked in the middle of the lot. I inwardly groaned. How embarrasing... not only have I made a scene in the middle of a biology lesson, made a fool of my ex, and started to cry, I now have this!!  
"Are you Isabella?" A young girl wearing one of those special jackets asked me.  
"Yes..." I mumbled, already uncomfortable. I was not what you would call an out-going person.  
I felt a soft squeeze in my palm, and I was grateful Edward was here.  
"Isabella?" I heard a deeper voice call. Oh my, this is really 'much ado about nothing'. Next, the whole cast of Shrek or some sort of shitty cartoon will arrive.  
I tried to talk, "But all I did was faint," my voice hoarse. I gave a little cough.  
"Well, we're here now... and it's probably best to run some tests, you could have something serious..." An older man said, a sexy smouldering thing going on, as he walked round the other side of the ambulance. He could be in his mid-thirties, hmmm, hot much?  
"Yes you could," The young girl nodded along. She looked eager.  
"Yes," the man said, looking a little bit grumpy( not so sexy), "Now I'm still testing you... and trying to become a teacher's pet doesn't help you in any way," the man cautiously informed the girl. He turned and went back into the ambulance.  
"What was that about?" I asked the girl.  
"Oh, I'm not a certifed ambulance crew member yet... I'm still in training," she explained to me. It only just dawned on me that I had completly forgotten Edward's presence.  
"Uh... I hope you don't mind me asking... but how old are you?" Edward asked, curious.  
"Oh no, no trouble, I'm nineteen started the ambulance crew member course last year," she smiled, "I'm Zafrina, by the way," she added her smile making me do the same.  
"Wow, you have a pretty name, sort of...exotic," Iadded, trying to compliment her. I really did think her name was nice.  
"Actually, my mum named me after her grand mother, I think the name's quite unique... I like that," She spoke to herself. Well, we have a few things in common already, maybe I should get her cell.  
"Um... do you know when I can get involved with being a doctor?" Edward said.  
"Uh, I think as soon as you're eighteen, you can get _involved_ here in Forks... why? Are you interested in becoming a doctor?" Zafrina asked, also a little bit nosy, and a petty smile on her face. She flicked her dark fringe out of her eyes. Was she trying to flirt? Oh my god... hello? I need to be taken to hospital here???! Kay, rethink the cell phone idea!  
This was definately not my area so I just kept quiet and listened...as I was still interested in Edward's plans for the future.  
"Yes... my father is Carlisle Cullen, I want to follow in his footsteps," he added, smug, taking my hand out of his, and placing them both in his pockets. I felt neglected.  
"Carlisle? Oh my god! He's a brilliant doctor... we are so lucky to have him here at Forks..." she gave Edward a cheeky grin... god, not another one, "Carlisle saved my father's life. He's in a special needs clinic," her facial expression slightly downtrodden.  
"Oh... I'm so sorry to here that," my voice had a rough edge to it.  
"Don't worry... he get's free treatment from Carlisle, you're family's so kind and helpful," she gestured towards Edward. Edward, was starting at me... murdurously. I had to stop myself from laughing at him. He must have picked up the tone in my voice, she obviously had not.  
"Ahhh!" I gasped, and clung hold of Edward's arm. His stiff expression changed dramatically, his arm supporting me again, eyebrows furrowed, eye's full of worry. Ah, Edward... payback's a bitch. , putting on a struggle, to stand up again.  
"We need to get this patient to hospital... Cheif Swan is waiting," the man finished, grabbing me swiftly by the arm and sitting me on the chair in the back of the ambulance. Zafrina looked a bit tight lipped, and I think she saw through my little scam. I watched her climb into the front.

"Okay, we're about to go... excuse me sir," he gestured to Edward. He looked sad to be leaving me. He turned around slowly and the doctor closed the doors.  
"No!" I said sharply. I took a deep breath in and started again.  
"Can Edward come?" I pleaded into the darkness, my tiny sanctury creeping me out. The doors opened again.  
"Is he family?" he questioned.  
"No," I answered truthfully.  
"Is he your boyfriend?" he looked bored. I wavered for a bit.  
"Yes," I said loudly, hoping that Zafrina and her flicky fringe could hear me too.  
"Fine then, get in if you want to," he said, folding his arms. Edward was frozen in place. The man gave up and went to climb in the front.  
I whimpered softly. Some people were scared of the dentist, others of spiders, but I was afraid of hospitals. I was discomforted and I heard the engine rev. My arms reached out, about to shut the doors, but I heard an light 'thump' that echoed around the ambulance, stopping my actions.  
The doors shut and a light was flicked on. I gave a little squeal.  
"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward asked, as he sat down in the seat opposite. I stood up and flung my arms around him before I could stop myself. These were natural reactions.  
"Hey now," he cringed, but he didn't pull away. Instead, he uncomfortably shifted in the seat. He looked embarrased and a little in pain. I looked down a realised that I was sitting in a some what 'touchy' area. I was straddling his hips, my ass on his lap. Oops.  
"Oh My God Edward," I laughed. I hid my face with my hands. He gently put me on the ground.  
"Go sit down Bella," he laughed with me, "you need to rest," he said. I sat down, feeling a little faint again. My forehead was a little hot. I felt woozy.  
"Edward," I grumbled. He was at my side in seconds.  
"Water?" he offered. I took it gratefully. After a few sips I felt better. Some air would have been nice, but I could tell we were nearly there. I could estimate the time it took from different places... I had this little town of Forks wrapped round my little finger. Edward absent-mindedly dabbed at my forehead with his cool hand. He was always that temperature.

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The doctor slowly injected the needle in to my arm. I looked away and nearly had to swallow the bile I could feel rise in my throat. Edward gripped my hand, whilst Charlie looked on, concerned.  
"Okay. That's all I need from you," he said, taking the horrible red liquid away.  
There was silence.  
"Why didn't you tell me Bells?" Charlie asked, a crease in the already furrowed brow of my dad. My dad was depressed a lot. It made me feel so bad that I dumped this down on him too. Myself, Edward and Edward's family all got him past the smoking addictions, but then came the drinking, and then came the secret suicide letters...

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_**14th February, 2007**_

_I walked over to the secret box. It was a little box with a key to unlock dad and I's most precious things. I picked up the key on my way over. It was ancient with a pink satin ribbon around it. I smiled and put the key in the lock. I was going to look at the picture of my mom. It always made me feel happy. When she died, I was twelve, and I was at that age where you thought you knew everything. I was an early teenager, stroping around the house because I didn't always get my own way..._

_I opened the box and an envelope dropped out of it. It looked a little damp. I picked it up and twisted it in my fingers. Nothing was written on the paper, so I ripped it open. There was an ordinary piece of paper inside. Nothing could have prepared me for what was coming next... it read:_

_**To my dearest Bella,  
You were my only reason for living when your mother was killed. It broke my heart. Now you may not think of me as a person who would really open up and tell you how I feel. And your right. I'm really sorry for blocking you out for all those years. I'm sorry... so sorry I have to do this to you. Carlisle and Esme will look after you. And, even though you're only sixteen, I know you love Edward. I hope you have a very happy life together. He's a keeper Bella, don't lose him.**_

_**Charlie**_

_My heart stopped. A suicide note. I sniffled quietly, I wanted my mom. I needed her...  
But she was gone. Never coming back. Not ever. And if I didn't act fast, I know Charlie would be that way too._

_I ran to my cell and pressed 1. I waited for the beep to stop.  
"Edward?"_

_**28th March 2003**_

_I returned home and flung my back on the chair. Mum would be back from work early today, I wonder what she would cook for tea. Better not be those manky fish things. Ugh. And she always had to put those ugly little green things on top of everything. Attention to detail. That was it. I went upstairs to do my science homework, lucky me!!_

_I had finished ALL my homework and mum still wasn't back. She was over two hours late and I was worried. But it had to be one of those times where you __think __something bad's happened, but then they come back ab hour later or something. I shook it off._

_It was over an hour and a half later, when my phone began to ring. Must be mum. I ran to it and pressed 'accept'.  
"Bella?" I heard my voice mumble.  
"Dad! Dad! Mum isn't back and I'm worried," I cried down the phone. I heard a deep breath and a small cough from my dad. Something bad must have happened...  
"Honey... I can't tell you what happened. Turn on the tv," he said, his voice sounding tired and shaky.  
I walked over to the living room. I sat on the sofa and took a deep breath. The tv flashed to a start, and I saw a picture of my mum on the right... oh god. A woman was holding a microphone next to the picture and there was a moving border along the bottom. I couldn't read the words. With shaking fingers I slowly lifted the remote to the tv. I couldn't control the button my hands were shaking so bad. The volume went to full. Suddenly the woman on the tv started to talk- very loudly.  
"Renee Swan died today at 3:25PM. She was killed by a drunk driver, Phil Irutlov- from Spain. Police and Ambulance Crew were called immidiatly. She was reported dead at the scene by Dr Carlisle Cullen, and Phil was arrested for drunk driving as well as-"_

_A hole erupted in my chest. I couldn't breath. A panic attack. My heart soared, beating at a billion miles an hour. The noise from the television wouldn't stop, WOULDN'T STOP! I screamed at the top of my voice. My mum was dead. My lovely mother. The woman continued to talk. I screamed at the top of my voice once again. My chest ripped further and further apart, the voice ecoing around my head._

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"We have your test results Miss Swan," Mrs Hardwick told me, walking through the door wearing a white coat.  
"And?" Charlie asked, worried.  
"They all came back negative," I heard Charlie blow out some air he had been holding, "Except from one..." she looked down at me and Edward, his hand still firmly gripping mine. I whimpered quietly... I was going to have cancer or something fucked up like that..  
"Congratulations," her tone sounding nervous, "Your pregnant," she said, waiting for a reaction.  
Edward's hand immidiatly dropped out of mine. I took a deep breath and turned to see Charlie. He looked VERY pissed off.

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	4. Chapter 4 Message

.com/watch?v=eNuv3A9hwlA 

Sorry That there is no chapter... But I did make a video for the story so far... we will return to the story as soon as I can X / franandtrigger65

.com/watch?v=eNuv3A9hwlA - - - - - - - - - - the video!

(Please see also this video .com/watch?v=-HqpSS2z_D8 It is for an amazing writer who was involved in a car accident Wednesday 4th November... Please help her recover by commenting on the video, or even just veiwing it! X


	5. Too Much

**I wanted to publish it before the release of new moon in the cinema's so it is not as long as I would like! Check out new links for the story! Pictures... Videos.... X Thankyou to those who reveiw! If you have story alertered, I would love it if you could reveiw and let me know what you think, as well as idea and things... I am very open minded! Also see 'franandtrigger65'on youtube for my other twilight videos, and 'xhiddenvampirex' too! **

**NEW MOON !**

**Chapter 3-The Day We Found Our Meadow**

"What?" Charlie said through his teeth, a look on his red face that only Godzilla could relate too.  
"Ummm, you're 8 weeks along... Just to let you know. I'll leave for now... let you discuss the matter," Mrs Hardwick said,looking terrified, and walking swiftly out the door. I took a deep breath, I was pregnant... with Edward's child. My heart swelled slightly...  
"What is this Bella?" Charlie asked me, but looking at Edward, who was sitting at the end of my hospital bed, head in his hands.  
"What do you mean?" I asked... though I knew what he was talking about.  
"I mean how the hell did this happen?" he repeated.  
"Well..."  
"Is it _his_," Charlie sneered, pointing at Edward. Edward stood up, and turned around looking expactantly at me, but slightly aged with the element of shock that was written across it. Charlie was just mad. Very mad. Sometimes I worried about his health.  
"Well Bella?" Edward asked me, still waiting for an answer. Excuse me! Did he think I would really go around from guy to guy carelessly. Of course it was his flippin' baby.

"Yes," I said, a little annoyed. It seemed like that was the new theme for today.  
"Don't you care at all Bella?" Charlie asked, in disbelief.  
Well, no, not really. I'm having a baby... "It doesn't seem like a big thing for me," I whispered. The words were true. I would get by.  
"Not a big thing!" Charlie said, sarcastically. There was a slight pause until, "You can still get rid of it you know," Charlie muttered.  
"NO!" Edward and I both said. I was keeping this baby, no matter how much it hurt to be doing it alone. Charlie looked at me, his eyes narrowed.  
There was silence for a while when Edward said, "I'll be outside, I need to talk to Carlisle," Edward said through gritted teeth, leaving the room, the tense emotions flooding through with him. I was more comfortable talking to this with my dad, though he could lose his rag easily.  
My dad wandered around the tiny hospital room, inspecting all the things in the room. He did that when he as nervous. He finally walked slowly over to me, and I could smell the ciggies, "Is there something still going on with you two?"he said, looking a little worried.

"No. You know that we split up around six weeks ago..." I said, suddenly on the verge of tears once again.

" I'm going to find Esme," Charlie said softly, though his rage still made his voice crack. He rubbed my shoulder gently, and then walking out of the door. I watched it swing back and forth, 'till it stopped fully.

Then I started to cry. My eyes were still trying to stop the tears brimming over, but it was no use. I let the nervous wreck I am take over. God I missed Edward. I instinctively cried out his name softly, gradully multiplying the volume. I was uncontrollable. After a few minutes of loud crying I sat up, realising someone would most probably be coming to see what the problem was. I blinked and glanced up at the clock. I could hear footsteps aproaching. I grabbed all of my things as quick as a flash, and left through the emergency fire exit.

----------------------------------------------------X----------------------------------------------------

I woke up to a beeping noise. My alarm clock. Ugh, school. I could hear the taunting now... pregnant at 18...

Still, I trusted Edward enough not to go blagging about _me_ having _his_ baby when he has a girlfriend.../ future slag or crap weasel.

I laughed to myself when I imagined a weasel with bleach blond hair, fake boobs and designer dress.

Ugh... so not good.... I thought as I ran to the downstairs bathroom.

"Bells?" I heard Charlie question.  
"I'm fine..." I said slowly, checking to see if there was actually anthing else in my stomach I could throw up. I washed my mouth and went to get one of my favourite books from the top shelf. This would take some time, seeing as I was tiny at 5ft 2". I was unaware that Charlie was busy cooking breakfast, and when I heard him speak I jumped a little.

"Well," Charlie took a deep breath, as I fumbled around the shelf, trying to feel for the antique binding that I knew very well, "If your mother had lived to see this day..." he muttered, quietly.

I whimpered softly to myself, and brought my arm back down. My mother was my most insecure topic. I missed her so much. Was he trying to make me feel guilty again? It's not like Charlie was trying to be horrible, it just tumbled out sometimes, I always made sure I never showed any emotion towards his words, because he was my dad and I was trying to remember this important fact. And most of the time I succeeded in not being reduced to silly, wimpy tears. But I felt very... hormonal since I found out I was pregnant and I just couldn't control the water works this time...

My eyes were glazed suddenly and I felt the salty tears brim over and slide slowly down my cheeks. Luckily I had my back turned to Charlie, but somehow or other he found out I was in silent tears.

"Bells, honey?" he whispered, gingerly.

I quickly wiped my face with my sleeves, and headed for the door. I took a deep breath in and grabbed my rucksack on my way calling behind me,

"Charlie... I'm going out for a while- don't worry, I'll be back soon..." before shutting the door with a satisfiying bang.

I know it was quite harsh but right now I just really needed to think, the stress of becoming a mother was falling through the tiny cracks in the wall I had built firmly already. I had also just realised that I wasn't safe, or protected anywhere- not anymore. I began to run as fast as I could. My mind was racing, and clips of Charlie, Edward and myself all scanned through my brain, mixed together, like a photo album full of pictures; of memories, of whatused to be. I remembered Alice, my plucky best friend, Jasper- the runaway boy, Emmett- my joker of a brother- as I used to think of him, and Rosalie- the most beautiful girl in the world. My body was throbbing, an odd, dull ache pulsing through my veins. I was exhausted but I couldn't stop. I was half aware that I was running into a forest, where I would surely get lost, but it didn't matter. I just needed to get away. My heart pounded strongly to the rythmn of the jog, the wet grass thrashed my legs, my old blue flare jeans getting stuck to the bottomof my legs, an icy sting hitting my leg whenever my feet landed on the ground. The mud got into my trainers which were falling to pieces too. My P.E teacher would be impressed, I finally learnt how to not fall over whilst running. But my health teacher would not. I stopped abrubtly because I knew I needed to rest for the baby, and for my own well being. My knees gave in and I fell to the ground in surrender. I panted, trying to find more energy. I felt weak and dizzy, now that I had stopped running. My sore head churned suddenly, a fresh batch of tears producing too, and I gripped on to my scalp as if it were going to fall off. My ears, eyes and nose all shut off, and I stay frozen on my knees for a long period of time.

My senses gradually came back to me, but my hands stayed clasped upon my head like rigid claws. As soon as my eyes opened, I recognized my surroundings. I was roughly ten meters away from _our_ meadow.

Typical. But it didn't really bother me, as I had no room left in my human mind for anything other than my stupid, wimpy emotions. But the more I tried to will myself against the tears, the harder they rained down. If it were an ordinary day I would have laughed. Of course, if this ordinary day was just two months ago, I would still be here, but with Edward. Another wave of vertigo hit me and my hands lowered to rest by my ankles, I was still kneeling on the dirty brown earth. I felt like a heavy weight, and my wet trainers were severly wet, muddy and ruined. I swapped my position for a cross-legged sitting pose, took one off and threw it at the nearest tree, in hope of a little satisfaction. But it did not bring me what I wanted. I glanced feebly at my worthless shoe that lay on the roots of the tree. My almost unconcious mind heaved the mess of a person that was me off the floor and glided forward, pressing my hand lightly against the rough bark of the tree in front of me. I slowly traced a small pattern on the wood.

_Aged 15 _

_"Here I come!"shouted a familiar voice, sending me out of my day-dreams, I was easily distracted. I shot quickly behind the tree. I had to bite my lip to stop laughing at the ridiculous child's game of hide and seek. My heart was thudding like a runaway train, waiting for him._

_Suddenly two long arms were pinned around either side of my head. A crooked smile was painted on the face of my boyfriend, Edward Cullen. His eyes locked mine and I was still, letting the intimate waves of passion and love that flow through a single gaze. The adoration for him reflected form my eyes into his. Without a single word, he gently leaned forward to press his lips to mine. The kiss lasted for just a second, but it was still long enough to send crazy signals to my brain.  
"Found You," he smirked, my eyes focusing on his soft, velvet locks. They were bronze, and slightly curly. One of my hands reached up and touched his I smiled in content and wrapped my arms round his neck kissing him again. This time he was the one smiling like he had just won a million dollars._

_He reached into his pocket and pulled something out of it. He brought it up towards my face, but when he twisted his wrist, a sheet of light clouded my vision. I blinked sevral times, focusing on the object._

_It was a knife._

_A fucking knife..._

_"Erm, what-cha gonna do with that?" I asked, hesitant. Yes I trusted him- almost 100%, but when you date guys and they bring out knifes... you kind of think again._

_I must have looked petrified, because, moments later, he curled his top lip into his mouth, as if trying not to laugh. He finally said,_

_"What a way to ruin the moment," he said lightly, though he did not look angry._

_"Well you're the one who's bringing daggers out! ," I almost shouted, defensively. He looked at me and I looked at him and we both laughed. When our laughter had died down, I said,  
"Where did you find a knife anyway? That's illegal," sounding very matter-of-fact.  
"Are you going all police on me now then?" he asked, taunting. My father had rubbed off on me though, and I wanted too make sure Edward had a good explianation for jogging along cheerfully, with a knife in his pocket.  
"Maybe," I said, "I want to know when you got it, and why you have it now," _

_Edward laughed, smiling happily, obviously not scared of my glare, "I got the __**pen**__knife from my father, not Carlisle, but my birth father. He was ill. He went on a holiday to Spain and somehow picked up the spanish influenza there. Then he passed it on to my mother, who was pregnant with me. Her body couldn't cope with everything, so she had an emergency __caesarian_, _then died almost intanstly. My father took care of me how he could, but then he got critically ill with it too. He gave my aunt and uncle the knife and told them to give it to me when I was fourteen. It was something that had been passed on through genarations of Masen's. My father died when I was five," Edward finished, looking just behind my face, a far off look in his eyes._

_I stared at him astounded. That was a very detailed explination. I knew that Carlisle and Esme were in fact Edward's aunt and uncle, but I had no idea that..._

_"I'm sorry," I gasped. His eyes flickered down towards me. He had already put the knife away, which I was thankful for. I just stared at him still, trying to lock his eyes. It didn't work. But when I looked into them I felt like I had seen his past. The passion that flooded through his eyes, I could see anger, upset, even guilt. I wondered if he somehow blamed himself for what happened to his parents. He always did. I rolled my eyes, then suddenly Edward's hands were on my back and I was looking into the green opals that were before me.  
"So I take it you've forgotten about the second question?" Edward asked, smiling.  
"I think I can let that one drop," I laughed, happy with the subject change, as his story reminded me of my own past..."but I haven't searched you yet..." I giggled, "Stay very still," I murmured placing my hands on his chest, where I could feel his heart. I then started at his shoulders and moved down his arms, patting his sides too. I gulped and moved further down, turning my head to the side when I reached his area. I heard him laugh. I ignored him and slowly moved my hands down his legs, swiftly missing the pocket with the knife in it. I felt like a fool trying to be kinky. Then I brought myself back up to face him, a blush on my cheeks. He just leaned forward , a grin on his face, and pulled me into a gentle hug. He kissed my forehead. _

_Then he pulled away, shrugging out of my embrace, "I'll be back in a minute!" Edward called. I was curious. I dragged mysel round the tree, where I could see him. He was concentrating on something on the wood.  
"Done!" he smiled. I went to stand by his side, where he linked his hands with mine. On the tree, there was a little engraved heart with our intitials in it. That was so sweet, and so unbelievably embarrassing at the same time._

_I giggle lightly into his chest, and when I looked up his face- he was blushing. I kissed him softly on the lips. His blush began to fade and then he gave me a simple instruction._

_"Get on my back," Edward instructed me. _

_"Um, really? I don't weigh ten pounds you know," I crindged into his chest._

_But then I was thrown on his back. My heart thudded with anticipation. I had no idea where we were going, but it felt special..._

My face pulled back into a grimance. Why did I have to be here? Why did it have to be now? I took of my backpack. And then sat on the floor, just as motionless as before, reminising on more memories.

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**~X~**


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